I’m at a loss right now as to why I am sharing any of this here. I have not as of yet told my friends. Why make this most sensitive of topics available to anyone who cares to read it? The plain answer is that it feels honest to do so. I’ve been keeping this journal for over a year now, and this is something so earth-shattering that I can’t not put it in here.
Bleeding Into This Textarea
And so it is that I bleed my despairs and hopes into this textarea. How this has come to pass is something I will be pondering and working at in the months and years to come. My desire is always to understand myself and my world. And ideally, have a positive effect there. The problem is that in many ways I have failed myself and my wife in having a positive effect inside my marriage. I have been reading a great deal about marital problems and am trying to inventory those things that have gone so very wrong. It’s my strongest desire that no matter the outcome of my separation from Jennifer, that she have the best life possible. This is what I have always wanted for her, and for myself. I have an inclination that what will be best will be for us to be together, but there is no guarantee whatsoever that that is the preordained outcome.
Again I wonder about the advisability of posting this, but I think that this journal, this space to think, must be a part of my reevaluation of my life and how I live it.
Peace and Love to all of you out there across the world. Peace and Love.