May 2002

Bowlinguist
I’m married to—well—separated from—a linguist – but this is so cool!—Gadget converts woofs into words: The Bowlingual: If Dr Dolittle can’t make animals talk, perhaps Japanese toy maker Takara can. Now we need one for a cat!

memory lane
Cocoa Krispies Memory, and a Kite in Santa Monica.

new badge wearer!
spinhead’s rocking egbdf.info music blog is now wearing a san diego blogger badge.

Why My Sister Rocks, ‘02

She read some previous entries in my blog and had this to say: As for sobbing. I think it’s healthy under the circumstances. Screaming in the car is good too, very punk rock.

How cool is that?

Why, that’s almost Zen!

Mike Roufa says: relationships are like playing jenga on the side of a hill

I think he’s a wise man.

In Brief
A few notes on the Current State of the (Marital) Union, and some on the State of my Psyche.

Today was hard. I was on edge and feared breaking into tears several times. I have reached out to many people who I feel may have insight for me into how things got the way they are for Jenny and me. Essentially, there are no easy answers, but the advice I get is to use common sense, don’t make rash statements and judgements, don’t push too hard on Jennifer, and give her space. Moreover, I am told that my ideas for crazy and stupid stunts are crazy and stupid. I am reading and re-reading correspondence and some books and trying to make sense of it all. I have spoken or telephoned or IM’d or emailed with many people—nobody can change the state of things as they are, but some can offer insight, and the caring I’ve received has been wonderful. I’m also trying to make real face time with friends and family. Human contact, in person, beats all the mediated communcation I can think of. After all, I truly fell in love with Jennifer only after flying to meet her. Something about that physical proximity – that human contact – is the whole point of the thing. In other news, I have booked a flight to go and see my sister in Washington D.C. later this month. A change of scenery will be good for me, and further enjoin me from doing the stupid things that cross my brain. Also, it’s been too long since I’ve seen my sister. This has a double effect of giving Jenny even more space, and getting her a chance to be here in the apartment and further move out. I realize that I’ve been in violent, serious denial about separation. But I don’t have the fear I once did of it. Jennifer and I are presented with a unique opportunity to reevaluate our lives and make a new start. New starts are a good thing, I think. And today I end this diary entry with hope, and not sorrow.

To all those who today have offered advice, I cannot but express my heartfelt Thanks.

Onward!

Losing it
I’m losing it. But I love her. Must be something can be done. Problems which develop over years cannot be solved in a day—but how to get my foot in the door to talk these things over when she’s moved out, and I’ve basically lost my emotional balance?

And I’m watching and I’m waitin hopin’ for the best
Even think I go to prayin’
Every time I hear em sayin’
That there’s no way to delay
That trouble comin’ every day
No way to delay
That trouble comin’ everyday – Zappa

Update From Hell
The incomprehensibility of my own current emotional state continues to surprise me. Things are bad. Separation feels terrible. How did this happen? Have I not been supportive and accepting? Where did i go wrong? Is this because of our age difference? How on earth do people manage to grow together? There are no answers to these questions, are there?

What will happen?

Some Mac Stuff
RealPlayer for MacOS X did not ship in April, as previously noted. Real is late. This makes me unhappy because I’m an NPR junkie.

In other news, I picked up a new AC Adaptor from CryWolf Consulting yesterday for my Clamshell iBook SE. The old one was worn out, and when there’s no juice, computers don’t run. CryWolf seemed like a nice joint, and I may use them again.

Meanwhile, on my ancient Mac running OS 8.6, I can’t run Mozilla 1.0 PR1 because it requires OS9, which won’t install on my SonnetTechupgraded 8500.

I’m also smarting because my newsreader, MTNewswatcher is not yEnc-savvy in the non-OSX version.

good article on politics and the internet:

“But the Internet is fundamentally changing politics, but in unflashy ways that parallel what has happened in the business world. After the dot-com crash, two types of businesses have principally thrived by using the ‘net: Businesses that do old things in new ways that rely on the Internet’s unquestionable ability to increase the speed and quantity of information flows, such as eBay, and old economy firms, such as UPS, that use the Internet to do what they’re already doing better, faster, and more efficiently—-for instance, linking suppliers and distributors in just-in-time inventory systems.

In politics, it’s very much the same. What matters is using basic new technology to do old things better, and focusing on substance, not on how sexy a web page can be. “A campaign Web site is a receptionist’s office. The really interesting stuff is occurring on the back end and through email,” says Michael Cornfield, a George Washington University professor currently writing a book about the Internet and elections.”

More at: Machined Politics: How the Internet is really, truly—-seriously!—going to change elections