June 2002

Rediscovering how great Matthew Sweet’s Girlfriend is…

You Don’t Love Me
what a beautiful moment
the truth comes out at last
once your heart would own me forever
then this passed
and what a beautiful moment
as my head comes apart
drunk
and in a manner of saying
wasted

cause you don’t love me
you don’t love me
you can’t see how
i matter in this world
even though i loved you
you can’t believe that
if you find something
you think might make you happy
then i guess it’s okay
i think it’s okay
if you go away

blown right out of my senses
i did not know what to do
lost and badly wanting someone
to see me through
that’s why i needed you

but you don’t love me
you don’t love me
you can’t see how
i matter in this world
even though i loved you
you can’t believe that
you think that leaving
is what will make you happy
then i guess it’s okay
i think it’s okay
if you go away

cause you don’t love me
you don’t love me
you can’t see how
i matter in this world
even though i loved you
you can’t believe that
you think that leaving
is what will make you happy
then i guess it’s okay, i think it’s okay
if you go
away
cause you don’t love me
you don’t love me
you don’t love me
you don’t love me

Muse, warm and serene!
I’m rediscovering my poetic me. A few days ago I posted some decade old poems in words. I am doing other work in that realm now. Poetry and pictures flow from me now. Not public. Far too personal even for me, a shameless narcissist, to share here.

There is a muse in my life. Warm, serene, gentle. And I think I am a muse in another person’s life. The interaction, on equal terms, brings comfort and happiness to me.

I’ve been thinking of the worries and heartaches I carry with me as a heavy pack, on a long journey. The journey is so long I have no idea where it ends. The pack is so heavy that at times it is overwhelming. But sometimes, I can find the time to take a break, and enjoy life and the sensual world around me. The glow of city lights. The scents and feelings of blissful company bring sweet release. But the heavy pack remains. The journey must be continued. But with the camraderie of loved ones, the journey is less a burden.

Many hands make light work.

Last night, and this morning I cried. The first good cry in several days.

But today will be a good day.

Onward.

Archeology: 1996: When I was a Respiratory Therapist
At the moment, there’s more to be said, and talked about than I can say and talk about. In the interim, another picture. Myself, 1996. I took this with a timer, after the night shift (1900-0730) at Californa Hospital Medical Center—the parking garage. I believe the white building in the distance behind me is the L.A. Convention Center, but I’m not 100% sure. I like this picture. I look determined. You can see my Littman stethoscope, and the blue endotracheal tube wedge. Different tools for a different profession.

Update; Comics
Jennifer came over last night. Picked up some stray mail. Visited the cat. We spoke a little. No definitive word on counseling. It was emotionally draining to be around her. But luckily, I presently get support from some serendipitous places. Phone calls can be wondrous.

Later, I made this (and other things) but I’m only showing this:

The weekend before last I picked up yet another comic. This one is actually a how-to called Blue Line Pro’s Digital Colors for Comics—I bought the cheap version (no CD-ROM)—it’s very good. The spelling is terrible, but the tips themselves are very good. I’ve been taking some older drawings (I keep everything) and scanning them, and have been practicing. Nothing worth showing the whole world yet. But probably at some point I’ll put up some newly colored, old illustrations on artlung.com.

It’s good to learn new Photoshop tricks. They’re applicable not just to fun things, but to work things as well.

Phoenix
One of the things I picked up this weekend was a manga called Phoenix: A Story of the Future. I finished it yesterday. According to this review/history, it’s only a small part of a much, much larger saga by Osamu Tezuka—thousands of pages of a work encompassing decades. I enjoy getting into artists with long careers—whose work is not digestible all at once glance. It’s interesting to me that Osamu is the creator of Astro Boy, and is considered “the God of Manga” apparently, having worked since the 1950s. Indeed, the layouts and narrative choices made in Phoenix are bold. For a work that was made in 1967, there are graphical things, tricks, ideas—that amaze. The drawing style is mainly of the Astro Boy school. However, the subject matter is treated seriously. Visit your local comic book store and have a look. I think you’ll be glad you did.

Inbound

I made it to this bookmark list.

And check out this new inbound link—from Hugh—Hot Feet: the ramblings of a web geek. Worth a look.

Sorting IP Addresses in SQL
SQL God Rudy Limeback has a solution on his SQL Page for sorting IP Addresses. Heckuva good read—for geeks.

» Sorting substrings of different lengths numerically [Part 1]
» Sorting substrings of different lengths numerically [Part 2]

Mr. Limeback lives in Canada, and is interested in solving your database and web problems! Check him out at r937.com.

Bleeding All Over The Place by Randy Newman
Why don’t you love me like you used to do?
Tell me, what I did I do wrong?
Seems like you’re through with me
I wasn’t through with you
My love for you is still very strong.

w/S.
Walking. Chai. Bagel. Orange. Fuscia. Black. Grey. Commiseration. Release. Tales. Betrayals. Caring. Comfort. Sharing. Sesame seeds & cream cheese. Bursting strawberries. Talking. Smiles & tears. Ice/Sarah McLachlan. Friendship.

Only two people will understand this post. But that’s okay.

Today’s Archaeology: Virtual World

More scrapbooking and archaeolgy. This is the membership card to Virtual World, which for a time in the early to mid 1990’s was a chain of networked game parlours. I remember that in the Pasadena branch they had a Mac there with an irc chat channel open, or was it an AOL chat window? Anyway, that was yet another very early taste of the internet.

Now, it looks like the first time I went into one of these was in 1994. I loved playing Red Planet. Everyone seemed to prefer the Mechwarrior games, but I liked Red Planet – it was a racing game – yes, you could blast your opponents, but you could also win by simply making the most laps. Wonderful game. I’m pretty sure all the machines were Macintoshes too.

As you can see, I used the handle “ArtLung” – which may be my actual earliest use of the term. That makes it roughly 7 1/2 years at least that I’ve been using the name.