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July 29th, 2002

Putting the Game Face On

Today, or rather Sunday, was kinda rough. The emptiness of the apartment I think was working on me. Sundays can be so long. Having some loneliness is no help. But anyway, I’ve been setting up online banking, and I’ve been capturing old cassettes to aiff, then to mp3 – so I can play and make CDs of them at will. Favorite rips: The Colorblind James Experience: Considering a Move To Memphis; and some Larry King stories I had taped from his old Mutual radio show back in 1986 — The famed “Carvelle Story” and “Moppo Story” — very funny stuff.

And yet, listening to the song “Caterpillar” by the Cure today, in the car, I started sobbing — it’s such a happy, propulsive song, I had never really listened to the words — it’s about lamenting that someone will change and fly away. I was thinking of how much Jenny changed from when she was just 18, till now, 6 years later. And how she has changed so much. She’s very impressive to me.

Now, mind you, part of this public journal-keeping is that Jenny reads this, or at least she can. This is no secret message. I was just having all these thoughts about how things have changed. And Jennifer certainly has changed. I’m still not sure what it is I want. I know that I need time to continue discovering my self. I suppose a few years ago I would have made light of a person seeking to “find themselves.” Well, here I am.

Enough bittersweet stuff. I also bought an ironing board (which I’ve needed for a while). I thought to myself, as I went into K-Mart — gotta put on the game face, no sobbing in K-Mart. And I did. Later, I got Tiger’s Milk bars (love ’em!). I also dropped off the rent check, mailed off some bills. And I went and saw the movie Enigma, which had promise, but was disappointing. The plot was extremely complex, twisting, and incoherent. I was hoping for more Alan Turing. Turing’s the fascinating person in Bletchley Park. At least I think so.

Also, my pal Ewon let me know that I neglected to mention that I went and saw They Might Be Giants on Thursday night. Bad Joe! That’s a bit of an interesting thing, because 13 years ago, when I first met Ewon while we were both working at the San Diego Public Library, we went and saw TMBG as a quasi-date thing. Ultimately, she became a great friend. Over a decade of friendship and counting!

I sure am rambling.

Oh! The concert! TMBG were wonderful. Highlights? Singing and dancing along to the song James K. Polk right next to someone who was as into that song as I was (I think most people don’t know that song very well, I felt like we were the only two doing the obsessive fan singalong thing). Also, the band managed to do all of “Fingertips” From Apollo 18. And that, is freaking amazing, because off the page, Fingertips would seem to be impossible to play. So, that was great.

Monday night I’m going with another close friend to see Norah Jones – who is really worth checking out. Her record, Come Away With Me, is wonderful.

G’night y’all. Despite the somber stuff, today was a good day.


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