Jenny and I had dinner last night. I made my hamhanded attempt to cook (the salad was lovely!) and we spoke and talked about this and that as well as more serious topics. It was open and good. Jenny is a good friend to me. Then we went and saw the Austin Powers movie. Then we went to what is supposedly the largest Target in the world and shopped and talked. I feel very much her friend. We spoke openly and honestly. It gratifies me to be in that space. Pleasant.
I’ve been struggling lately with the compulsion I have to be with someone. But I think I’m realizing that I don’t have to be with someone all the time. Someone wrote to me we are always with ourselves – which sounded odd to me at first, but makes sense.
My Mom says that we are always with God. I don’t have the faith in that truth that she does. But I do believe in truth, and in love. These are both unmeasurable, abstract concepts. So perhaps there’s more faith in me than I ever realized. But the ideas of God as presented to me in my youth do not motivate or convince me. Spiritual growth is something I have as a goal, certainly. Much reading and research and self-searching to do in that area.