October 2002

Food for Religious Thought

These were sent to me by my good friend Erin after my posting about Religion and freethought. These are excellent food for thought and have given me much to think about. I was raised Roman Catholic, and always have presumed that I would return to that sphere, IF I went back to religion in any way. I am thankful for Erin, and further, my parents, both of whom sent me excellent advice today. Email from loved ones is a wonderful thing.

» Definitions of Humanism

» John S. Spong’s column The Bishop’s Voice. He also wrote Christianity Must Change Or Die

» The Center for Progressive Christianity

» The Jesus Seminar: inquiry after the voice of Jesus

Religion
Yesterday my girlfriend and I spoke at length on the subject of religion. I came to realizations about how I think and what I am about. I am not throwing any of this in any faces. This is what I feel, and what I believe for myself in how to live my life. She is coming to grips with her own religious feelings and ambitions. Ambition may sound a queer word for religious inquiry, but I think it’s wonderful that she has a vision for herself in the future, about what her faith means to her.

Likewise, I also have put to words my own feelings. I have received much feedback via this journal on the subject of God, faith, and religion.

It’s important to remind you that I have the UTMOST respect for people of faith. When I worked in the hospital I saw very well that faith can bring strength and comfort to the afflicted and to those who are experiencing loss. I do not have any disdain for faith as practiced in love. I definitely have a problem with faith that intrudes on others in a way that’s aggressive. Gentleness is a positive attribute in religion, I think. Gentleness manifests itself in compassion, in empathy, in love, in caring, in understanding people. I think I try and live my life that way.

Yesterday was very intense because I realize something about myself. I found myself profoundly moved by a web page. I was researching Leah’s faith, the faith she desires to return to, and a word I had heard my father use popped into my head. The word was “freethinker.”

I am a freethinker.

The words on this page: What is a Freethinker? ring so true to me. I must say that I don’t agree with every word on that page.

Some parts I can affirmatively agree with are these:

What do Freethinkers Believe?
Freethinkers attach much more importance to the ‘why’ of belief than to the ‘what.’ Freethinkers believe in the sort of human understanding that naturally follows from a careful and rational consideration of the relevant factual evidence. With regard to the natural world of human experience, therefore, freethinkers regard the scientific method as the proper approach and scientific knowledge as the most reliable sort of human understanding. Freethinkers also acknowledge that there is an inner, private, subjective world of human experience. But they also recognize that our feelings and emotions cannot and should not be the basis of what we believe about the reality of the world which all human beings share.

How Can Life Have Meaning for Freethinkers?
Freethinkers believe that if life is to have authentic meaning, they must create it or discover it for themselves. To live life in compliance with or in obedience to someone else’s purpose, even the unknowable purpose(s) of a god or gods, is to be an unthinking slave. Freethinkers, therefore, look for and find meaning in their daily lives: in their efforts to learn, to grow, to understand, to help others, and to try, at least, to leave the world perhaps a little better place than they found it.

How Can Freethinkers Have Hope Without A Belief In An Afterlife?
Freethinkers consider this life as the only one we can be sure of having. They regard it as shameful to trivialize this life by supposing that a better one will follow … they lament the false optimism of an afterlife with a system of future rewards and punishments that encourages complacency about suffering and death in this life. But freethinkers, like other human beings, continually hope for a better future. Their hope, while not extending beyond the grave, yet persists as long as life persists, for life is hope. (emphasis added) Freethinkers do not expect to ever see again their loved ones who have died. But, as with believers in an afterlife, their memories of their loss remain with them as a comfort and remembrance.

And this…

Their greatest attachment and commitment is to truth, and to learning to know and do what is right. They are honest with themselves, and with others. They prefer to form their opinions based on fact and evidence, but are not afraid of making mistakes, and learning from them. For they know that human beings aren’t born with their beliefs, nor can honest people truly believe in something by sheer force of will or ‘faith.’ Freethinkers submit themselves to facts and reason, following humbly wherever and to whatever they are led. They speak their minds, and are unafraid of saying, ‘I don’t know.’ And in return for all of this, freethinkers respect themselves, they have sympathy for their fellow human beings, and they lay legitimate claim to the best and noblest of what the human condition offers.

One of the things my counselor has said is that the spiritual is a part of myself I must explore. And I have been. I have tried to speak openly and honestly with my friends and family. I have been reading about spirituality in many forms and have found nothing more true for me than these words above on the nature of being a freethinker.

I will continue to seek the truth and try and understand the worlds inside and outside myself. I may yet come to other conclusions about the nature of reality and existence for myself. My heart is open and honest.

In being open and honest, it hurt yesterday, because my convictions are at odds with the convictions of the woman I am in love with. I love her even more for she has considered her options and has thought about how she looks at the world, and desires a faith. If it is so that we are at odds on this issue, then so be it. We must, each of us—“to thine own self be true”. For myself, I am pleased to be in love with someone so whole, so real and so authentic.

Who can say what tomorrow will bring?

Onward

Unprecedented
So last night was really cool. I got to go have fondue and see a great movie with great people. A good time with good people is not unprecented.

The fondue was really awesome. It was pricey, but awesome. We dipped bread and veggies and apples in a garlic-y cheese fondue pot as the first course, along with salads. The second course was various meats (marinated chicken, top sirloin, shrimp, lobster) and vegetables (mushrooms, potatoes, zucchini, carrots) which you place in a special broth that’s boiling. You cook your own food, and they give you an array of sauces. This was all at Forever Fondue in Mission Valley. It was a social fun food thing. None of this is unprecedented.

The dessert was various fruits and some cake and cheesecake which we dipped or drizzled in melted milk chocolate from the fondue pot. Highly yummy. This also is not unprecedented.

After, we went and saw the very funny movie Barbershop (Cedric the Entertainer cracks me up). It had us all laughing! I really like Ice Cube as an actor. The movie was maybe a little predictable, but the textures of what feels like real life. While I’m not black, I remember going to the barbershop as a teenager and getting the same kind of comfort and banter you can only get at a barbershop. As to the reaction the movie has gotten from “black leaders,” I really like Oliver Willis’ How Barbershop Exposed Jesse & Al, and having now seen it, I couldn’t agree more with Oliver. Again, none of the above is unprecedented.

As Jennifer said in her journal, the Fondue Foursome was unique. It was unique in that the “party of four” consisted of my good good and longtime friend Erin (we worked at the San Diego Public Library together in the late 1980’s); Jennifer, the wife from whom I’m separated and will, we have decided, divorce; and my new girlfriend, Leah came. Yes, it sounds strange. We remarked that someone should be filming this or that it’s like something from a Woody Allen movie, but really, it was unremarkable in how it looked. We got along wonderfully. Jennifer and I have come to this interesting space where we are good good friends. We agree that we no longer want to have a relationship that is marital. We have gone through counseling, and speak and have spoken at length about what we want for the future. For neither of us does that future include a world where Joe and Jennifer are married. Having deep knowledge of that is a blessing for both of us, and it took quite some time to realize it. At the beginning of the separation I desperately wanted her back, and she wanted nothing to do with me. We went to counseling, and later, she wanted me back, and I found myself not wanting her back. As we have spent more time hanging out as friends, we realize that neither of us really wants the other back. Friends, yes. Husband and wife, no. Anyone I or Jenny or Leah or Erin told about this particular Friday night at Fondue and Movies before the fact did not believe it. So I suppose that it really is unprecedented.

Which brings me to say something more about Leah. She’s a wonderful person, and I have not known her very long at all. It is true that we have moved very fast, and we realize that danger and are attempting to turn the pot down so we don’t boil over. Neither of us wants to get scalded. But I know that we have a wonderful time together, we are both creative in a visual way, and when I look into her eyes there’s a familiarity there that I can’t say I’ve ever felt before. My Mother, who definitely reads this journal, has warned me of this concept of “glimmerance” – that new love blinds. She’s right, and is backed up by my counselor, who warns me to slow down. She describes new love as a kind of temporary insanity. So my new girlfriend and I feel like sailors on the sea, trying to find a way out of the fog of newness, and see where we stand when we can see each other clearly and rationally. The irrationality and mania of new love is wonderful, but it is not, uh, encouraging of rational decision-making. Some may say that the Fondue party was a bad idea to begin with, but as it was not based in malice or a desire to create jealousy or enmity, I can’t see how it was a bad thing. We had a great time, I think.

And so it goes, my unique life with unexpected things happening all the time. I had been quite nervous about it all, but life will surprise you when you’re honest and open your heart.

I’m working on this theory about stupid/fearless. That when you open your heart and are honest with people you’re in this stupid/fearless mode. You must be prepared for rejection, for bad feelings, but if you open your heart to people who are coming also from a place of honesty and openness, the risk in being stupid/fearless goes way down, and things are stupid melts away, and it’s fearless – fearless truth, and fearless honesty. If it all is based on respect, it is good.

And things are good. I realize with every waking hour how lucky I am to have the friends and family that I have.

Onward.

Pax
Sign Michael Moore’s Antiwar Petition, if you are so inclined.

This may not make any sense. This post is only for me.
I am up late. I am contemplating a word. The word is “stench” and I am not explaining what I mean here. But know that I am in deep contemplation right now. I must now sleep. I am contemplating redemption right now. Many many thoughts in my head. More than I can possibly relate here.

And now I am thinking of a woman who I have known for two weeks. It’s like a lifetime. It’s like an eyeblink.

I wonder, what is love??

And now I must go to sleep.

Onward

Quote of the Day

  Now, listen carefully:
    path:
      follow path;
        gate:
          open gate,
            through gate,
              close gate.

– Dr. Stephen Falken, WarGames

Site Launch!
A site I worked on has been launched – LANGNews.com – search engines, feel free to index it! Ready, set, google!

Potential clients, check my clean code and hire me. No, really.

Okay, proposals to work on that are very overdue. Back to work.

My Poetical Friend
Jennifer Simpson is a cool friend. Some of her poetry is really awesome. I went with her to take part in the Full Moon Poets in September and it was great. She had many many poems, and some of them were quite moving and witty and good.

I myself read a version of Two Ships. How do I get to meet so many wonderful talented people? I don’t know. But I try to meet people. Getting out into the world is a good thing.

It’s funny, one of the best pieces of advice I got from my father when Jenny left me was that I should be writing, journaling, expressing myself. He said that such activity would be healthy and therapuetic.

He was 100% right.