Married, moved, and getting it together.

6th Sunday in Ordinary Time 2006 Feb 12

From today.

I, apparently need God.

Whether there is one or not, I need a label for a higher power. For the unknown. Not black cats and superstition. But for the things in this world which cannot be easily explained.
And when I say need, I mean need.

I am a Catholic Agnostic, but there is a higher power, even if that thing is simply the spark in us that is greater than us. The thing that is there in a babie’s smile, in a sunset, in a beautiful painting, in a great movie, in a friendship, in love. In those things which will simply not submit to rationality and reproducibility and experiments. I need something to call it, and I’m calling it God. In all humility. This is a turnaround. I lost my faith in my twenties and God-damn the world which is so brutal and so inexplicable. And yet this is the world where I live, and I must be. Where I must carry out works. Where I must make a difference. Right now I miss working in the Hospital. Which is ironic, because I think I lost my faith seeing people suffer and die in hospitals.
So this labeling I’ll call faith. This might be a mistake. Right now, I don’t care, I need it.

I considered archiving all of artlung.com today. Thinking of starting fresh at joecrawford.com.

Lots of thoughts today. A rush. Today I need the comfort of that label. A higher power. My higher power. God. Is this desperation? I’m using my heart, and leading with my chin. Bring it on world. Bring it on. I will be myself. Whole. Humble. Forgiven?
It could get weird in here. I’m hopeful.

Joe Crawford blogged this at 11:00pm in 2006 in February. The 12th was a Sunday. You are reading this 14 years later. Comment. There are 3 comments Tweet. Send email. It has no hastags.

Comments: 3

You can’t be a Catholic Agnostic, God will smote you!

The word is “smite.”

I’m a Catholic Rationalist, I’m deciding.

But that Jesus cat had some great ideas.

Great post! You might really dig “The Four Agreements”. They got me through a rough time mentally. They don’t have to conflict with your Catholicism either.

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