February 2006

You are currently browsing the monthly archive for February 2006.

In a comment, Geoff Young pointed to this: Chapter 71 of the Tao Te Ching...

Tao Te Ching – Lao Tzu – chapter 71

Knowing ignorance is strength.
Ignoring knowledge is sickness.

If one is sick of sickness, then one is not sick.
The sage is not sick because he is sick of sickness.
Therefore he is not sick.


On my mind today, in fact it’s my mantra today, is a line from Catholic Mass, the prayer called “Glory Be”:
As it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be, world without end, Amen.

Somehow that’s very comforting today.

And in the same thread, Jukebox sent me this, which is comforting today:

Exidor!

Thank you Gentlemen. Thank You.

From today.

I, apparently need God.

Whether there is one or not, I need a label for a higher power. For the unknown. Not black cats and superstition. But for the things in this world which cannot be easily explained.
And when I say need, I mean need.

I am a Catholic Agnostic, but there is a higher power, even if that thing is simply the spark in us that is greater than us. The thing that is there in a babie’s smile, in a sunset, in a beautiful painting, in a great movie, in a friendship, in love. In those things which will simply not submit to rationality and reproducibility and experiments. I need something to call it, and I’m calling it God. In all humility. This is a turnaround. I lost my faith in my twenties and God-damn the world which is so brutal and so inexplicable. And yet this is the world where I live, and I must be. Where I must carry out works. Where I must make a difference. Right now I miss working in the Hospital. Which is ironic, because I think I lost my faith seeing people suffer and die in hospitals.
So this labeling I’ll call faith. This might be a mistake. Right now, I don’t care, I need it.

I considered archiving all of artlung.com today. Thinking of starting fresh at joecrawford.com.

Lots of thoughts today. A rush. Today I need the comfort of that label. A higher power. My higher power. God. Is this desperation? I’m using my heart, and leading with my chin. Bring it on world. Bring it on. I will be myself. Whole. Humble. Forgiven?
It could get weird in here. I’m hopeful.

Improved.

New day, new dawn, new adventures.

It’s a good day.

Beautiful.

Flower by Leah Peah

I know nothing

It seems like the more I learn, the more I realize I know nothing at all. I’m feeling humility today and yesterday and the day before. Humility before a higher power is how I think of it. It reminds me of 12-Step programs, one of which I got involved with a few years ago. Humility serves a good function. Tear down the arrogance, and that’s when interesting stuff happens, that’s when you become open to what the world might be trying to tell you. I make progress toward being a good communicator, towards being a responsible person, but adulthood eludes me. F for Fake. Or F for Flake.

WWOD? What would Orson do?

Though perhaps I’m hung up on labels, and “should”-ing myself about what I “should” be, what I “should” be doing.

I have had a busy week, but I got lost this week in terms of my responsibilities. I am not as smart as I thought I was. I run into roadblocks, I run into the hard thing… and I am stopped dead in my tracks. I am paralyzed. At that point bad habits kicked in, and I have suffered for it, and that suffering is transferred to those I love. Those I love a great deal. That sucks. And hurts. And is a failure.

But the lovely thing is I am in control of my own life, and I can do what I want to do. I can want to do better. I can make changes which have an impact on the conduct of my own life, and if I am lucky or God willing (should he / she / it exist), then those changes can have an impact on those I love a great deal.

I know nothing, but I am in charge of my own life, and all the self-loathing in the world (well, all the self-loathing comes from inside me, not the world) won’t help a damn bit.

My name is Joe. I’m a human being, and I make mistakes. I might even make them in swirling curlicue patterns, thinking next time things will pull left, but there they go again pulling right. But I can recover from them and get better each time. I know that positive change is possible, because I’ve been there and done that.

The danger is in the hubris of thinking you have it all figured out. And that hubris is really just ignorance of the self. It’s a lack of reflection of how imperfect we are. That’s over. I feel it. I know nothing. And that is the beginning.
Thanks for listening. I doubt it made any sense, but it felt good.

3-D and Me

First HyperNURBS: A Flower

About 10 years ago I dreamed of working in Hollywood. I wanted to direct, of course, but what really fascinated me was postproduction – particularly editing. But also, I loved animation, which meant that I also was fascinated by 3-D animation.

I had first encounted computer animation in about 1986 at the La Jolla Museum of Contemporary Art (now Museum of Contemporary Art San Diego). I loved it. It was mindbending stuff.

I still have the flyer from the 1987 Festival of Animation—Luxo Jr., though I think I saw it at an earlier showing “The Art of Computer Animation.” I was 16 and 17 years old, tooling around San Diego in a beat up seafoam green 1972 Volvo and these animations inspired me to try and do computer graphics. I vividly remember getting shown raytracing demos at San Diego Amiga User’s Group meetings. These were heady times.

I have a binder with flyers of the animation festivals from this era. Some real classics in there! It looks like earlier than Luxo, I had seen Tuber’s Two Step (which I can’t seem to find online at all, sad!) and “The Adventures of Andre and Wally B.”—both in 1986. I love the description of the rendering of Tuber’s:

The works were realized on a VAX 11/780 computer, a Mark 1I 32-bit frame buffer, Symbolics 3670 and/or Evans and Sutherland PS 300 and in-house software.

Awesome. I bet you never even heard of a VAX. Luxo and Andre were of course the work of John Lasseter at Pixar.

But I never did any actual 3-D art. I never worked in 3-Dimensions. I fiddled with a raytracer for the Amiga at that time but it was all based on little text files—in other words, programming. I could just never figure the stuff out.

Fast forward from 1987 to 1996 and computer graphics were very popular. Terminator 2 had come out several years earlier to accliam for the use of high end graphics and compositing of the morphing terminator. I had moved to California from Virginia and was researching everything I might want to do. I was particularly interested in taking classes at Silicon Studio in Santa Monica. Silicon Studio is no more, but they taught expensive classes in computer animation at a neat facility. It was a branch of the then-flying-high SGI. I went to SIGGRAPH and was blown away. I was reading about CG animation incessantlt, reading movie magazines to try and learn all I could.

All that reading made me book-smart about computer graphics. For some reason NURBS stands out in my memory as something to know about. I had it memorized and even understood what it was. NURBS are “non-uniform rational B-splines.” NURBS are math that describes curves, especially a curve you have to reproduce in a computer with a minimum of math. They’re Bezier curves, which I understood from my class in Freehand/Adobe Illustrator. It was a subclass of the kind of math you would need to represent objects in a virtual world. This virtual world I always thought of as Gibson’s Cyberspace.

Right now I’m taking a class in 3-D animation. The tool we’re using is Cinema 4D. It’s an impressive tool, and (so far) straightforward to learn. And one of the tools is “HyperNURBS”—I don’t know what the “Hyper” part means yet, but the image in this post is my very first time actually using these NURBS thingies!

So that’s a brief tale of my own personal  experience of 3-D graphics, from fan, to knowledge, and now to application.

...I always thought this would make a terrific band name.

Suggest/see others.

 via robotwisdom.

or, “I coulda had 45 Mbps to my home!”

Good Morning Silicon Valley: We thought you said spend the $200 billion on “dark fiber”
...during the buildup to the 1996 Telecommunications Reform Act, the major U.S. telcos promised to deliver fiber to 86 million households by 2006 (we’re talking about fiber to the home, here). They asked for, and were given, some $200 billion in tax cuts and other incentives to pay for it. But the Bells didn’t spend that money on fiber upgrades—they spent it on long distance, wireless and inferior DSL services.

3D Model, Evolved.

Model for 3D, 2/8/06

Cinema 4D rocks.

Eclipse Rocks.

Eclipse.org:

Eclipse is an open source community whose projects are focused on providing an extensible development platform and application frameworks for building software.

Leah sent me this, it’s a daily email from Loving Each Day:

The vision of togetherness is only possible if two people are willing to deal with it, honestly and without ego.

– John-Roger

(From: Relationships: Love, Marriage and Spirit, p. 57)


Not an easy goal.

A lot of them are sort of mushy, but many feel insightful and true.

« Older entries § Newer entries »