Married, moved, and getting it together.


April 19th, 2006

The Extra Bone Bet

So this little anecdote is not from the trip to Utah, it’s from the weekend before, after the boys’ track meet.

The boys were explaining to me that black kids are faster because there’s an extra bone in their ankles. Inside my skull, a million angry neurons fired as I tried to think of the proper response to race-based physiological malarkey coming from the mouths of the kids whose education I have partially taken on as part of my role as stepparent.

I caught as much of my adrenaline in my throat as I could, then I opened my mouth. My response was, “No, there is not an extra bone in the ankles of blacks.”

Ty said to me, “yes there is, Devon totally looked it up and showed me it.” I said, “okay, that’s great, but I don’t believe you. It’s not true.”

I can’t remember now who suggested a bet, but either Ty or I said “what do you bet me that this is so/not so.” Now, Tyler is an ace poker player. Even at 12 years old, he does pretty well. He likes a good bet, and he was ready to wager. He also knows me, and knows that I have a broad base of general knowledge. Also, given he’s been around me going on four years now. We’ve had a few bets of a penny, or a quarter, or a dollar. I think the max was maybe five bucks. When I’m not very confident, I’ll say “yeah, but I’d only bet 5 cents for that one” or “that’s about a five dollar bet.” There’s a direct relationship between my confidence level and the amount of the bet.
How much did I say I would bet? I offered, “fifty, no… one hundred and fifty dollars. If you can prove to me that black people have an extra bone in their ankles I lose.” This is not an idle bet. Tyler is a very hard worker, and has saved money from mowing lawns. He would be good for it. I was daring him to bet me, really.

Leah chastises me, gently, “come on, give him a bet he can actually make!” (She told me later she found my behavior a little juvenile, and she’s perfectly right about that, but I also have very strong feelings on the subject of race, and though I was a little amped up with outrage, it was not really an uncharacteristic moment for me).

I say “we could use the money!! — hey, wait, make the bet eight hundred and fifty dollars, are you interested?” I offer my hand. Will he take the wager?

Ty regards my hand with a kind of horror. I like to think it’s at this point he knows that I’m right. But he’s still unsure, which is perfectly valid. I mention that I have taken anatomy and physiology. I put down my wager-hand and Dev comes around. A laptop comes out, and internet research commences. Search terms are tried — “black” and “african american” and other various searches are tried. I put my attention elsewhere. The pro-extra bone contingent come up with nothing. They’re a little disappointed. It feels a little like I’ve killed an ant with a bazooka. But I’m not unhappy with my conduct. I didn’t lose my temper or lose my breath arguing. I put my money precisely where my mouth was.
Dev and Tyler keep searching, but then we’re onto the next thing, we’re to go out to dinner for pizza. The subject is changed.

In the car, later, Leah mentions the episode to me, a little aghast at how I handled it. I admit it was a strong reaction, and I know that it would not be how she would have handled it. But instead of feeling guilty about it, I re-run the interaction in my head and I’m happy with how I handled it. I tell her so. Nobody got hurt, and even feelings were not hurt. A claim was made, a strong and bizarre one. I objected strongly. And I did what I did in the spirit of not tolerating pseudoscientific bull. Who knows where this extra bone theory came from. It’s so bizarre, and like a weed in a garden. It has to be plucked out. This kind of wive’s tale thinking has to be challenged. Why it has to be me, and why I tend to get self-righteous about it is an issue that I need to do some personal self-examination about, but the weeds are out there. I have no shame for being a little nuts about it.

Even now, I think a week later, the notion gets my dander up, and I’m happy with how I handled it. I might be a little crazy, but I was really sure of my facts.

Leah also mentioned privately to me that in the interim (after the bet and before pizza), a website was found about the controversy. The problem was it was a debunking site, and it basically disproved their contention.

(See also: Posts That Might Be)


Comments: 8

Greg Duncan

April 19, 2006 7:37am

Nice… I think you handled it very well.

I’ve tried to raise my son (who’s 12) to realize that racism, racial typecasting, religious stereotyping, etc, is just plain silly…

We all breath the same air and bleed the same color. Thinking the color on the outside means anything is like thinking my red Honda Civic is faster than a white Honda Civic just because red is a “faster” color… sigh

Sure no one is the same and have different strengths and weaknesses… That should be celebrated!

Who’d want a world clones? How borning…

Take care,
Greg

Sassy

April 19, 2006 12:01pm

boys will be boys.

Joe Crawford

April 19, 2006 12:04pm

Greg — thanks.

Mr. Sassburton — yeah, both them and me! It’s the testosterone school of discourse, argument, and debate.

leahpeah

April 19, 2006 1:02pm

i still think you went way over with the theatrics in that situation and if you asked the boys now what they thought the conversation between you and them had been about they wouldn’t bring up racism. they would say it was a bet. by creating a big stir about the money, you lost the opportunity to talk about why what they said upset you. it could have been a good learning experience for them. but instead it ended up just reaffirming that when joe really knows something, he bets crazy large. is that really what you wanted the outcome to be? because it sounds like you wanted to share something about racism and how the extra bone comment effected you. and i think you lost out there.

Jukebox JT

April 21, 2006 3:41am

This is one of those old wives’ tales that always makes me crazy. It’s amazing how the facts can get distorted so easily. The original story isn’t that blacks have AN extra bone. It’s that they have extra bone.

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Odellidge

September 3, 2009 8:29am

When someone comes out with such a far-out claim, it’s up to them to proove it. And they couldn’t so you put them in their place. Good on you. My time also is too important to be wasted on ‘pseudoscientific bull’. Where’s the evidence?

JP Eddie

March 25, 2010 5:25pm

-I think your response was just fine. Everybody’s response is not going to ever be the exact same (and really shouldn’t be expected to).
-No one is suffering childhood trauma because of your reaction.
-This teaches a lesson not just pertaining to race but to b.s. in general (there’s an awful lot of it out there).
-We could all use a more heightened awareness when accepting these claims and certainly before passing this kind of ignorance on.
-Job well done!!

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