August 2006

I used to do a running gag about bands I’d do with people, particularly my friend missewon. The line was “one of em’s dead, ya can’t go see ‘em.” It’s not a particularly funny line. But how else to explain that you couldn’t see the Beatles (Lennon dead), Doors (Morrison), INXS (Hutchence), etc etc. It’s also true of bands like Blind Lemon or Sex Pistols or Sublime or Joy Division. One of em’s dead…

Fast forward ten years, and it’s much harder for me to have levity about death with regards to music. Elvis may have died a ridiculous death, but it is sad that he’s dead. And it’s not really funny for me to think about how Frank Zappa is dead. I missed out on seeing him play, and that eats at me.

Another band, no, person, who was in the back of my mind to see was Arthur Lee. You can read a little bit about him and his band Love in this LA Times obit.

Arthur Lee, who forged a legacy as one of rock’s great visionaries and forbidding eccentrics while reigning briefly with his band Love as princes of the mid-1960s Sunset Strip, died Thursday of leukemia in a Memphis, Tenn., hospital. He was 61.

...

Lee, who established himself as the first black rock star of the post-Beatles era, fronted Love through astonishing musical changes that have continued to resonate for other rockers and a cult of critics and fans.

...

But Love also became one of the first burnout bands of the 1960s, and with Lee’s death, only three members survive of the eight who were in the band between 1965 and 1967.

As you probably know, I’m a big fan of Stew/The Negro Problem. In one of the live recordings I have, I can’t remember if it’s from KCRW or from one of the Blackboot series of recordings, Stew sings “Now go see Arthur Lee!”

Based on that line, I looked a little bit into the story of the band. Kind of amazing, given that before that I really had no idea who they were. It’s not like their stuff is particularly radio-friendly, given its eccentricities. And even though I love me my K-EARTH 101 oldies station, Love is not a band one hears there often. So I picked up two Love records about two years ago, and was kind of stunned. Not all of it was great, but damned if “Alone Again Or” is not an amazing spectacle of a song. I mean, it’s a folk rock song featuring Mariachis for goodness’ sake! Kicks ass.

So yesterday morning on my drive (driving, no bus yesterday) I heard the announcer saying they’d play it in tribute. I think it’s a radio station our of Ventura, the Octopus I think. Let’s look that up. Yup. “The Octopus 95.9.” Aside: I quite like that station. I heard Zappa’s Peaches en Regalia followed by Steely Dan’s Any Major Dude Will Tell You one after another some time back. Anyone who knows me, well, and now, I’m telling you, that that’s a happy moment for me, and produces shock in my heart.

This artist who I never saw died, and it evoked more emotion than I anticipated.

Rest in peace, Arthur Lee.

I’m smitten.

So sleep is a pastime I have been missing mostly. But it’s all good, crap’s getting done.

Of note in particular is that on a personal level, Leah and I are actually a couple, a partnership, a marriage. We’ve made some amazing progress in counseling these past few months. Mostly what we learned is that working together was a big part of our dysfunction in the near past. There was much much more than that, but working together—the process of relying on each other and being together every waking minute of the day—was extremely stressful to our marriage.

File it all under “it seemed like a good idea at the time…”

I have a lot more respect for spouses who work together and don’t want to set fire to their house, themselves, or their spouse. No, not respect, awe. Well, respect too.

That said, what better way to learn and to grow than to bring your marriage to the brink and work it all out? I am so gratified by the results it almost seemed like it was planned all along!

Of course, at the time, when things were a mess, and I was acting like a jerk, it seemed so out-of-control that it seemed like chaos had taken over.

Lo and behold, things have managed to turn in excellent directions.

I’m very very pleased to be married to a wonderful woman. And let me say, I’m a heckuva man.

We match.

Now, granted, there’s still a pile of stuff to deal with, but in the core, where Leah and I reside, things are pretty cozy. Stressors don’t knock us apart the way they once did.

You make me shiver
I feel so tender,
We make a pretty good team
Don’t get exhausted,
I’ll do some driving,
You ought to get you some sleep