Washington D.C.

Everything Has Changed. Topsy Turvydom.
Turnarounds in every aspect of my life are occuring. For the better. For the worst. For a change.

I feel very much like a cork on the surface of a turbulent sea. Hurled from place to place, bounced and flipped by the sea. But alive, and surviving.

I am now on a leave of absence from my employer, AVENCOM. What this means is that I will have some time to consider my career options. In all likelihood this means I will be going freelance. So If you have need of a guy who can do a bit of everything, or who can answer your obscure web questions for money, I’d be a good choice. I’ll be reactivating my professional portfolio in the coming days and weeks. My folks are helping me out with financial buffer. I will also update my Respiratory Therapy resume. Every one of my survival skills needs to be in play now.

On Monday, Jennifer. Jennifer and I will have joint counseling Monday night. Jennifer is currently expressing positive feelings about a reconciliation. Frequent readers of this blog may note that this is a change. It is impossible for me to judge or guess what will happen with regards to my marriage. I simply don’t know. I don’t know what’s in my head. I don’t know what’s in my heart. The whole affair is confusing and painful to me. I feel love for her, but I am not certain that what needs to happen is for us to be back together as a couple. Time will tell what happens. I do know that I want to be happy. And I do know that I want Jennifer to haappy. Beyond that, I’ve no idea.

On Tuesday, I’ll be on the radio, I believe. The Lounge, a show from local NPR affiliate KPBS. I’ll be talking about blogs. I hope I can be articulate about the subject. I do think I know the subject well, and have been blogging for some time myself. Co-guesting with me will be Lester of Yeah, Totally.

On Wednesday, I’ll be going to Hawaii. Yes!, what you really want to do when you are out of work is take a vacation. Well, the idea is to chill out and try and understand what the heck is going on. Maybe that will help. I know my trip to Washington D.C. to see my sister helped a lot.

Could I possibly have more going on?
My parents and sister left yesterday, returning to the East Coast. It was wonderful to have them in town. They have provided valuable counsel and the truth we were able to share was important and cathartic. I’m working to resolve many things in my life – physical | emotional | intellectual | spiritual. My Dad says “Jenny may have saved your life by leaving you”—and I tend to agree. I was out of balance in many ways, and this “wake up call” has forced me to take a critical look at my life. My Mom wants me to get more spiritual. I think she understands better that I struggle with faith very much. Despite being a formerly devout Catholic, faith no longer comes easy to me. My work in healthcare and my first hand observations of the pain in the world made me question the idea of a primary diety long ago. I definitely fall into the “agnostic” category. If I had a faith, I’d declare it, believe me. My sister is very worried about me. I love her so much. She herself is undergoing a career transition and I want to see her rock the world. She’s immensely talented and I forsee good things for her.

I also found out that my Mom has begun reading this blog. She liked my shoeshine piece. This gratifies me. I always knew that having family reading this journal was a possibility, and likewise always knew that It would not change the content. I attempt to exercise caution about how I phrase things, and attempt to be tactful and nonspecific enough that nobody has grounds to be offended, or be slandered, or libeled, etc. The idea here is to be honest and expressive of where I’m at.

I joked with my folks that my life has turned into a country song. Lost my wife. Lost my cat. Lost my job. Or perhaps blues is a more appropriate genre?

And that’s the way it is, July 14, 2002.

Third Best Comic Book Store Ever
While I was visiting Washington D.C. last week, my sister and I wandered around Georgetown a bit. In so doing one of the places we went was a place my sister had never been—Big Planet Comics. Now, I’ve lived all over. And I’ve been to a lot of comic book stores. My compliment that it is the third best is not a small one.

Big Planet is very clearly laid out. They actually store comic collections and graphic novels by author in many cases, very handy if you’re looking for say, works by Frank Miller or Alan Moore. They also have an extensive independent comics section of comics and collections that’s logically laid out. Most surprisingly, they have a great deal of foreign comics – French, German, Spanish. They also had a nice selection of new comics.

But they had more than “fancy” comics. They also had an extensive section of superhero graphic novels. I picked up two things (I can’t resist supporting a good store!)—The collected Earth X and Conversations with Charles Schulz. Both were worth the purchase. Earth X is beautifully done – but a bit heavy-handed and self-important. But it’s a fun read. The Schulz book is a collection of interviews with the Peanuts creator. The conversations span decades, and it’s a good read so far.

Now, about #1 and #2 in my “list” of Best Comic Book Stores. The best comic book store I’ve ever been to is Golden Apple Comics in Los Angeles/Hollywood. They’re on Melrose Avenue, and have a tremendous selection of comics and magazines and toys and oddities. It’s also well laid out, and has lots of events with artists. A great store.

The second best store on my list would be Comic Kingdom, which was on University Avenue here in San Diego. I used to go to that one when I was younger (say, 17 to 25 years old?). The problem is, several years ago they went out of business. But they were great. Massive numbers of back issues, all the most current comics, books, collectibles. It was a great messy goulash of a store. Then one year, in my periodic trips to San Diego from Virginia while I was in RT school and working as an RT, I drove to the store and poof! No more store. That was a heartbreaker.

In Brief
A few notes on the Current State of the (Marital) Union, and some on the State of my Psyche.

Today was hard. I was on edge and feared breaking into tears several times. I have reached out to many people who I feel may have insight for me into how things got the way they are for Jenny and me. Essentially, there are no easy answers, but the advice I get is to use common sense, don’t make rash statements and judgements, don’t push too hard on Jennifer, and give her space. Moreover, I am told that my ideas for crazy and stupid stunts are crazy and stupid. I am reading and re-reading correspondence and some books and trying to make sense of it all. I have spoken or telephoned or IM’d or emailed with many people—nobody can change the state of things as they are, but some can offer insight, and the caring I’ve received has been wonderful. I’m also trying to make real face time with friends and family. Human contact, in person, beats all the mediated communcation I can think of. After all, I truly fell in love with Jennifer only after flying to meet her. Something about that physical proximity – that human contact – is the whole point of the thing. In other news, I have booked a flight to go and see my sister in Washington D.C. later this month. A change of scenery will be good for me, and further enjoin me from doing the stupid things that cross my brain. Also, it’s been too long since I’ve seen my sister. This has a double effect of giving Jenny even more space, and getting her a chance to be here in the apartment and further move out. I realize that I’ve been in violent, serious denial about separation. But I don’t have the fear I once did of it. Jennifer and I are presented with a unique opportunity to reevaluate our lives and make a new start. New starts are a good thing, I think. And today I end this diary entry with hope, and not sorrow.

To all those who today have offered advice, I cannot but express my heartfelt Thanks.

Onward!

Shocking attack this morning in New York and Washington D.C.. My heart goes out to all who lost their lives today. I fear for my nation, and for the world.