Today, or rather Sunday, was kinda rough. The emptiness of the apartment I think was working on me. Sundays can be so long. Having some loneliness is no help. But anyway, I’ve been setting up online banking, and I’ve been capturing old cassettes to aiff, then to mp3 – so I can play and make CDs of them at will. Favorite rips: The Colorblind James Experience: Considering a Move To Memphis; and some Larry King stories I had taped from his old Mutual radio show back in 1986 — The famed “Carvelle Story” and “Moppo Story” — very funny stuff.
And yet, listening to the song “Caterpillar” by the Cure today, in the car, I started sobbing — it’s such a happy, propulsive song, I had never really listened to the words — it’s about lamenting that someone will change and fly away. I was thinking of how much Jenny changed from when she was just 18, till now, 6 years later. And how she has changed so much. She’s very impressive to me.
Now, mind you, part of this public journal-keeping is that Jenny reads this, or at least she can. This is no secret message. I was just having all these thoughts about how things have changed. And Jennifer certainly has changed. I’m still not sure what it is I want. I know that I need time to continue discovering my self. I suppose a few years ago I would have made light of a person seeking to “find themselves.” Well, here I am.
Enough bittersweet stuff. I also bought an ironing board (which I’ve needed for a while). I thought to myself, as I went into K-Mart — gotta put on the game face, no sobbing in K-Mart. And I did. Later, I got Tiger’s Milk bars (love ’em!). I also dropped off the rent check, mailed off some bills. And I went and saw the movie Enigma, which had promise, but was disappointing. The plot was extremely complex, twisting, and incoherent. I was hoping for more Alan Turing. Turing’s the fascinating person in Bletchley Park. At least I think so.
Also, my pal Ewon let me know that I neglected to mention that I went and saw They Might Be Giants on Thursday night. Bad Joe! That’s a bit of an interesting thing, because 13 years ago, when I first met Ewon while we were both working at the San Diego Public Library, we went and saw TMBG as a quasi-date thing. Ultimately, she became a great friend. Over a decade of friendship and counting!
I sure am rambling.
Oh! The concert! TMBG were wonderful. Highlights? Singing and dancing along to the song James K. Polk right next to someone who was as into that song as I was (I think most people don’t know that song very well, I felt like we were the only two doing the obsessive fan singalong thing). Also, the band managed to do all of “Fingertips” From Apollo 18. And that, is freaking amazing, because off the page, Fingertips would seem to be impossible to play. So, that was great.
G’night y’all. Despite the somber stuff, today was a good day.
I made some cursory notes for myself prior to the radio show. Here are the broad strokes of what I had on my mind. Of course, Only pieces of these were mentioned by me. Ah well, next time.
– age of web?
– age of internet?
– diary of a nobody
– rss, amphetadesk
– marc andreeson (1st blog?)
– rebecca blood’s history
– san diego bloggers
– best blogs
– best sd blogs
– kaycee nicole
– personal journal
– tipping and wishlists
– right wing?
… in a Longer, Interesting Speech from Bruce Sterling. Worth a read. Really worth your valuable time.
If you’ve been in airports recently, I believe you are seeing a pretty apt, early version of Terrorspace. At any random moment, you can have your possessions rifled through by strangers. Your shoes are scanned, and various small but vital objects in your pockets can be confiscated by semi-educated security geeks. They’re either pathetically under-trained for the job (in which case you certainly feel no safer), or else they are intelligent and capable people (in which case you pity them and wish they had some other job, for the sake of general human happiness and the GNP). Rather than making us any safer, Terrorspace airports serve as political indoctrination centers that humiliate our voting population on a broad scale. They are meant to inure us to ever-escalating levels of governmental clumsiness and general harm.
Something for the RT in Me
When Seconds Count: Preparing Respiratory Therapists for Mass Casualty Incident Response prepared by Frank Rando for the AARC.
Just feeling a little bit funky now. Not exactly sad. Not exactly happy. Not exactly lonely. But a little funkburger. I think the time change from Hawaii has caught up with me. Also, there is lots of stuff happening with family (new skin issues for my Grandfather, nothing major, my Aunt just got in a fender bender, and another Aunt is sick), and I’m just feeling kind of, well, funkburger about the whole enchilada.
On the Jenny front, things are favorable. I feel much friendlier towards her. We’ve had another session of couples counseling – and it went well. I think we will be trying to be more casually social with one another. I had been leery of even speaking with her outside of counseling — for fear of saying the wrong thing — for a long while. But I’m much more open to being friends with my wife.
Not that, exactly, we’re going to end up Ward & June Cleaver — but that we’re always going to be in each others’ lives. Whether that’s as friends, or as spouses, or both — who can say? But it feels like progress.
Hm. I think I’m emotionally drained just now as well. Yeah.
Maybe I just need to sleep?
Yeah, early to bed. That’ll do it.
Ready to listen? Okay, here is the KPBS show The Lounge from July 16, 2002.
Comments or questions? Gimme a holler.
MP3 File of the show available: KPBS The Lounge, July 16, 2002