no punctuation update stream of consciousness

tony p style

2 weeks ago i made enchiladas for leah and the kids which was fun

got an amazing gift the other week from my folks for which i thank them

my little sister turned 27 last week yowza

leah may be moving north far

i am considering my options and was angsty about it

clarity comes with knowing and having faith

leah and have been double barrelling the religion on sundays

mass and sacrament meeting

today it was about change and sticking to the plow even when things are hard

today it was about listening to the spirit

today i had bagels and lox at dz akins and leah had pancakes

we got a black and white cookie for later

we have fun together

we talk together

we drive around in a truck together

i don’t always have a white shirt for sacrament meeting

i am bouyed up by the feeling of being part of a faith

its a surprise to me

i know people in los angeles

i know people all around

the movie running on empty can make me cry

quite a bit

black and white cookies and tomato sandwiches are good

when leah and i are angsty the cat is angsty

when leah and i are serene the cat is mellow

the cat is sort of a temperature gauge

we saw napoleon dynamite tonight

no not the cat

but leah and i and two good friends too

it had a kanab cowboys tshirt in it

the movie was funny in a dopey way

i moved around as a kid

i am an interesting person

last week leah and i almost saw bourne supremacy sneak preview

not all the effects were done

but leah couldnt hang with the rudeness and tension of a sneak preview screening

but it worked out cause good friends were there too and matt came with me, and leah hung with margot

things work out that way for leah and me and our friends

the midway aircraft carrier is in town and is a big museum

my grandfather served on carriers and has no desire whatsoever to go on a carrier

there may be no nostalgia in him

meanwhile i was thinking how cool it would be to see the school i attended in gretna louisiana

when i was running on empty

leah and i had the kids for a week

that was wild and cool

i went on the giant dipper coaster with the kids

well 3 out of 4

my legs are still big

but i fit and i loved it

that belmont park is looking a little sad

but its still fun to ride the coaster

the coaster of life as they have it in that steve martin movie parenthood

the ride is fun and unexpected and its important to try and enjoy it

and be sad when its sad

and be happy when its happy

because thats the way of things

sometimes we resist change so much

we cant even see that change is inevitable

and when you have skills to move anywhere

family is a state of mind

i am bouyed up by my family

i am bouyed up by my partner

its scary as all get out this life thing

its unpredictable and wonderful and full of laughter and tears

and i am living authentically

and cease expecting and all things are possible

i am happy and i try to enjoy every sandwich


hmm is there more?

uh oh, that was punctuation

there it was again. avast!

i thought bourne supremacy was good

i am glad of my decision to go back to school

i am selling books on amazon

i am less attached to material things than i used to be

i feel as though my self is being refined

i am seeing myself tested and tempered into an improving version of myself

sometimes in the changing new rough edges are revealed

but the process of tempering continues

i enjoy this process

this process pains me

this process is necessary

no pain no gain

did i just type that?

when i was in school 12 years ago i argued that learning was possible without pain

i was convinced

but now i know that all learning that is valuable comes with some pain

pain of embarrassment or physical pain or longing or lonliness or loss

but learning comes

and the lifes in the learning i think


i love to learn

i learn to love




Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.