Spring 2004 San Diego California USA (My Big Head)ArtLung

May, 2004: 13 posts.

Hola Mundo: Posting By Email

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Last week was busy and rough. I’ve been quiet and busy, and successful and unsuccessful.

I spent my entire Saturday the Saturday before last working on a take-home test for my Statistics Class. On Dr T’s Math Pages you can see the results. I got a 92 for my efforts. I’d have preferred a 100, of course, but the fact that the lowest test grade is dropped helps me there. Being that there were only 3 tests (the final will come in a few weeks), that’s not a lot. But part of me is vexed that I can’t say I’m “top kid” as Edward James-Olmos calls one of his students in “Stand and Deliver.” Still, an A is an A, and I should be content with a performance that’s going to be positive.

On another note, last week brought me a zero for a major project in my Java class. I overextended myself to go over and above what was required of an assignment creating a Swing GUI and discovered bugs in Swing that prevented the UI from working properly. This ended up bogging me down in getting the interface right, and I was unable to deliver. Thus, zero.

That said, I’ve done so many extra-credit “stars” in this class that the underperformance still leaves me sitting with a 98-100 average. But it depressed the hell out of me last week. I had a hard time reconciling myself to this mistake. I am struggling to recognize that a mistake I make is not me. In my mind, a mistake = me. When I get a zero, I AM A ZERO. This thinking is not rational, though it has spurred me to excel in many areas. But from a mental health point of view, I can’t see that it’s terrible constructive. Finding that balance — between trying to be a high achiever, and being an emotionally well-balanced person — is something I’m looking at more.

Frankly, dealing with this has been percolating in my head to such an extent that I have neglected this site and many other responsibilities. The past several months is teaching me a great deal about how to be. It’s real work. But I think the perspecting I’m gaining are building a foundation for myself. In some sense I feel like the end of my marriage was the beginning of Joe Crawford 2.0. Or maybe 4.0. Probably the defining events for me in my life were these:

  1. Joe Crawford 1.0: Being Born
  2. Joe Crawford 1.5: Skipped a grade from Kindergarden to First Grade
  3. Joe Crawford 2.0: Experiences in the Phillippines
  4. Joe Crawford 3.0: April 1, 1988 Details redacted
  5. Joe Crawford 3.5: Becoming a Respiratory Therapist and being good at it
  6. Joe Crawford 3.9: Moving to Los Angeles
  7. Joe Crawford 4.0: Marriage dissolves; All that came before is broken down and will be rebuilt with truth and love

4.0 has been ongoing for two years now. It’s funny, I didn’t even remember that it was two years ago that Jennifer left and I was forced to confront my own life. Forced to do this painful uncomfortable thing and ask questions of myself: “who am i?” — and be prepared to answer that question, with truth about the good and bad and neutral things that make me me.

And about facing the truths that are uncomfortable — I continue to seek the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Thanks for reading and listening to me today.

Blogger says I’m an Aries

Blogger: User Profile: artlung – I fed it March 20th, and it’s calling me an Aries. True, I’m on the last day of Pisces, but dude, that’s a bug.


Banana Boat Aloe Vera Gel was very very good to Leah and me Sunday and today. We both got sunburned on our forearms and legs on Saturday while watching the kids’ baseball games.

Aloe is good.

Some OS X Paths to Tools (originally developed to help out my uncle)

  • System Information
    • Apple Menu > About This Mac > More Info
    • (Macintosh Hard Drive) > File > Get Info
    • Apple Menu > System Preferences
  • Network Connections
    • Apple Menu > System Preferences > Network
  • Internet Properties
    • Apple Menu > System Preferences > Built-in Ethernet > TCP/IP
  • Map Network Drive
    • Go > Connect to Server
    • Finder > Network > Servers
  • "Classic View"
    • Apple Menu > System Preferences > Classic > Start Classic
    • (wait some amount of time, OS 9 will then boot)
  • Administrative Tools
    • Applications > Utilties
    • Local Users
      • Apple Menu > System Preferences > Accounts
    • Shared
      • Apple Menu > System Preferences > Sharing
    • Device Manager
      • (maybe) Applications > Utilties > System Profiler
    • Event Viewer
      • Terminal > cd /Library/Logs
      • Applications > Utitlities > Activity Monitor
    • System Info
      • (see System Information, above)
    • Performance Logs and Alerts
      • Terminal > cd /Library/Logs
  • Storage
    • Applications > Utilities > Disk Utility
  • Services & Applications
    • Apple Menu > System Preferences > Sharing > Personal Web Sharing
    • (which is really apache and can be controlled as apache is)
    • Running Services
      • Applications > Utitlities > Activity Monitor
  • Licensing
    • N/A
  • Performance
    • Applications > Utitlities > Activity Monitor
  • Routing & Remote Access
    • Apple Menu > System Preferences > Sharing > Remote Login
    • Apple Menu > System Preferences > Sharing > Apple Remote Desktop
    • Apple Menu > System Preferences > Sharing > FTP Access
    • Apple Menu > System Preferences > Sharing > Windows Sharing
    • Apple Menu > System Preferences > Sharing > Personal File Sharing
  • Network Monitor
    • Applications > Utilities > Network Utility

Sassy Weighs In On My College Mishagosh

The secret to college is to pass.

* There are no fractional grades in UC schools, so 92 = 99
* most upper div classes offer little / no extra credit
* C’s get degrees, but an A+++++ is still just an A

Take it from a man who has spent many a year in a lower div JC class – do the work, get an easy A, don’t kill yourself – save your energy for the uppper div, you’ll need it.

You know, he’s a college graduate.

San Diego Bloggers Added in April, 2004

Go now.

Apple ][ Emulator Thing

]list 10 REM ***********************
15 PRINT “Apple ][”
20 PRINT “Programming by Joe”
25 REM
30 REM Begin the loop
35 REM 40 FOR X = 1 TO 100 by 3
43 PRINT (X * X)” is the square of “X”.”
45 PRINT SQR (X)” is the squar e root of “X”.”
65 REM
70 REM End the loop
75 REM
80 REM ***********************
90 REM Kicking it old school
100 REM 28 March 2004
110 REM by Joe Crawford
120 REM http://lab.artlung.com ]

Check Virtual ][ for an Apple II Emulator. It’s like a trip in a wayback machine.

La Tarea de Español

Finally caught up (and even un poquito de credito extea) with my tedious Spanish Workbook homework. That was nice. This semester is almost over and it looks like I’ll have survived.

Quote of the Day

There are more love songs than anything else. If songs could make you do something we’d all love one another.

–Frank Zappa

Finals This Week

I’m inaccessible.

Two finals today. One tomorrow.

And here in Professor Forman‘s Java class he’s discoursing on what he calls:

The Zen of Knowing
4. You don’t know you know
3. You know you know
2. You know you don’t know
1. You don’t know you don’t know

Spanish later, and Statistics tomorrow.

Finals Over

Statistics Final done today — and thanks to the magic of the internet I have my final grade — I did poorer on the final than I felt like I did — sadly I’ll never know what the results were — but my final grade in Statistics is a B. Also done is my Java class, which I excelled in — I got an A in that for certain. I also made some new friends.

The wildcard is Spanish — no idea when the professor will have graded the finals and all the rest of it for that class. I’ll probably have to wait for those grades in the mail.

12 units of school is really a full time job. I hadn’t appreciated that. I was so lucky when I did my associate degree to not have to work.

I still have much to learn, and I’m not talking about academia here. I have much to learn about my thoughts of myself, time management, and realistic expectations.

I’m on track for progressing to my Bachelor’s and Master’s — and learning about myself too.

Leah has been wonderfully supportive of me through this all. I can only wish I am as supportive of her.

Okay, so that was a burp of some personal stuff after a long absence from blogging here.

It’s time to catch up with everything I’ve let slide.


Scenes from Memorial Day Weekend

Friday night, Leah’s kids arrived for the weekend. In good spirits, nearly done with their semester at school.

We went to Mr. Frostie in PB for ice cream. It was lovely.

On Saturday:
Teaching racquetball to two of L’s kids: they did okay for kids aged 13 and 11. My Aunt was stuck in L.A. the night before and was unable to attend. Rather perfect timing.

Attending Super-Size Me with Leah and Kids at Landmark’s Hillcrest. SSM ranks among the best documentaries I’ve seen in the modern era. Crumb, Hoop Dreams, Roger & Me, Rivers & Tides are some I count in that number. Super-Size me has the distinction of causing McDonald’s to actually remove some of their menu items. It’s an eye-opening movie. I love McDonald’s official response to the movie.

After that we ate at JBX — Jack in the Box’s “concept store” — I couldn’t eat after having seen SSM. I nibbled at the little tomatoes that came on Leah’s salad.

Shopping for some appropriate church-style shirts for the boys. Randomly saw a guy whose name I don’t know from my Statistics class. He was proud of his “A” – and I am satisfied with my “B.”

On Sunday:
Unsuccessful attempt to attend Sacrament meeting at a local LDS Stake Center.

Entirely wonderful and spiritually uplifting attendance at the Catholic Church around the block from us. Very impressive church. Energetic, community, and alive. We are sure to return there, but their only mass in English is 9am Sunday. Still, a winner.

Then: Great breakfast – eggs, potatoes, toast, and good humor. Everyone contributed.

La Jolla Shores: Maddening parking and traffic situation did not lessen a wonderful swim out to a 1/8th mile bouy and some tasty bodysurfing by yours truly. Also, walked perhaps half-a mile to take care of the parking situation. My walking practice these past years came in handy.

On Monday:
An abbreviated Kobey’s Swap Meet. No purchases made. What’s the deal with the San Diego Sports Arena allowing them to take up more land from the parking lot with a Chili’s, a gas station, and the already-there Krispy Kreme? Was it not painful enough to park for Sports Arena events already? The SA is famous (here in San Diego) for its hideous acoustics.

Memorial Day barbecue at my Aunt & Uncle’s in Santee. Ping pong, etc. Family is a blessing.

A long drive home for Leah &amp the kids. And an even longer drive for Leah to return.

Now, puttering around the house as I await Leah’s return. The Great Escape plays on TCM as I blog.

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