Married, moved, and getting it together.

6th Sunday in Ordinary Time

From today.

I, apparently need God.

Whether there is one or not, I need a label for a higher power. For the unknown. Not black cats and superstition. But for the things in this world which cannot be easily explained.
And when I say need, I mean need.

I am a Catholic Agnostic, but there is a higher power, even if that thing is simply the spark in us that is greater than us. The thing that is there in a babie’s smile, in a sunset, in a beautiful painting, in a great movie, in a friendship, in love. In those things which will simply not submit to rationality and reproducibility and experiments. I need something to call it, and I’m calling it God. In all humility. This is a turnaround. I lost my faith in my twenties and God-damn the world which is so brutal and so inexplicable. And yet this is the world where I live, and I must be. Where I must carry out works. Where I must make a difference. Right now I miss working in the Hospital. Which is ironic, because I think I lost my faith seeing people suffer and die in hospitals.
So this labeling I’ll call faith. This might be a mistake. Right now, I don’t care, I need it.

I considered archiving all of today. Thinking of starting fresh at

Lots of thoughts today. A rush. Today I need the comfort of that label. A higher power. My higher power. God. Is this desperation? I’m using my heart, and leading with my chin. Bring it on world. Bring it on. I will be myself. Whole. Humble. Forgiven?
It could get weird in here. I’m hopeful.

posted this 17 years ago.
What else did he post in February 2006?

(Sunday February 12th 2006 at 11:00pm)

Comments: 3

Great post! You might really dig “The Four Agreements”. They got me through a rough time mentally. They don’t have to conflict with your Catholicism either.

The word is “smite.”

I’m a Catholic Rationalist, I’m deciding.

But that Jesus cat had some great ideas.

You can’t be a Catholic Agnostic, God will smote you!

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