memories

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Kids, younger

Kids, older photo

Took this photo with my phone this morning at the old house. It’s of an old, faded photo in a dilapidated frame. This shot by Leah is from a bit before I knew them—I think.

They are so tiny! They’re now all between 13 and 19 years old and look quite different. Three of them drive. Yikes is probably an appropriate word to say at this point.

Incidentally, I discovered the other day that I’ve become a patriarch. A mild one, but a patriarch nonetheless. It’s not unwelcome, and I don’t know when it happened, but I’ll not turn back.

Onward.

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Misc-y Halloween!

Did I really go a day without blogging? For shame! No, not really.

It’s Halloween, though I don’t have any special visuals to offer you today—I’ve been far too busy lately. But I do have many tasty linky treats to offer. Really!

Remember, Color Me Badd—famous for the song I Want To Sex You Up—they were a vocal band, sort of a boy band, from the 1980s? I just read that Kevin Thornton, one of the members of the group, went through an exorcism to remove demons from him. He is now a devout Christian. All this according to Undercover Black Man. You can listen to his exorcism—here’s the sound file from the radio show where it happens. It’s pretty freaky. Perfect for Halloween!

Harry Potter Postmodern Textual Controversy! I suppose everyone has heard now that J.K. Rowling said that part of how to understand Dumbledore is that he’s gay. Now, it’s not explicit in the books, but the author aught to know about his or her creations, right? I expect that they know what they were thinking. Here are two articles, from very different sources taking completely different viewpoints: over on FindLaw, a legal affairs website, Michael Dore has an article called Harry Potter and the Framers’ Intent which posits basically that what is on the page is on the page—the way the legal system works. If there’s no explicit memory conjured by Dumbledore, if there’s no signaling of his homosexuality in the text, it’s not there. One might argue it is too subtle, but if it’s so ambiguous, it can hardly be said to be there, yes? How subtle does something have to be before it’s not there? On the other hand, science fiction author John Scalzi takes the completely opposite position: What Authors Know About Their Characters. I think this is an interesting question. In sci-fi fandom there’s a concept of “canon” works. So in Star Wars, one typically considers only the movies to be canon—novelizations, comic books, tv shows, and other items are not canon, so are not accepted into some discussions of the work. Here’s more from Scalzi, talking about an article from the New York Times on the same subject:

if Rowling had as part of Dumbledore’s background that he was straight, or entirely asexual, his character would be different and his actions and responses and backstory would be different. He would be different. He wouldn’t be the Dumbledore he is today (or was, because he’s dead, but even so). Rothstein seems to be falling into the trap of assuming that everything that goes into a character shows up on the page. This is entirely wrong. What shows up on the page is the public life of the character, so to speak: The things about a character that a writer chooses to let you know about them. The private life of a character exists off the page, and takes place between the writer and the character.

I think in the end it is in the eye of the beholder, but it’s hard to ignore what a creator says about a work. For example, Blade Runner, one of my favorite movies—in different versions it is clear/unclear/subtle/unsubtle whether Deckard is a replicant. I tend to skew toward interpretations where Deckard is not a replicant, though in interviews Ridley Scott (the director, and for our purposes a primary author of a movie) says with no hedging that he’s a replicant.

So what do you think of this? Can you think of other “controversial” statements other creators have made about their creations?

Self loathing ghost writers! Speaking of authorial intent, did you know that Leslie McFarlane hated ghostwriting the Hardy Boys? In fact one of his books seems to be brimming with double entendres designed to denigrate his works. The 10 Zen Monkeys blog has a post about it—How gay were the Hardy Boys?—I actually see McFarlane as a rather sad figure, reading this. I hope never to create artistic works I despise.

Meanwhile, in the funny papers funnies – go read Cat and Girl today. I laughed!

Casual games are apparently a $2.25 Billion with a B dollar market. You know, I know there’s a lot of room for growth in casual games, but numbers like this will make you crazy I think. It’s not like you’re going to make a game and win all that market. Remember Pets.com—they were going to win the huge market for petfood. Same concept. But casual games are a great industry and a very exciting one right now. Okay, not really very Halloween-ish.

I’ll leave you with blasts from the past:

In about 1981 or 1982 I stole a Halloween mask—then in 2005 I remembered it. And actually, I had forgotten that I did that until today. I guess one does not like to think of the wrongs one has committed. I don’t shoplift anymore.

In 1987 I made great killer poster for Halloween:

Halloween Poster, 1987

Also in ‘87: I designed some pumpkins:

Halloween Pumpkin Designs, 1987

In 1991 I won a costume contest as the joker:

JokerJoe 1991/Colorized Badly

In 2001, the year I started this blog, I was musing about costumes and not wearing one.

In 2003 I made this header.

In 2003 I was only talking about the fires in San Diego.

In 2005 I made a guts cake for Alex.

Alex's Guts Cake 3

And last year I mused about Festium Omnium Sanctorum

Happy Halloween everyone!

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For Auction on eBay: WebSanDiego.org Banner

We’re so moving. Anyone want to buy this lovely WebSanDiego Banner? Own a piece of history!

WebSanDiego Banner.

eBay: WebSanDiego.org Banner (item 160111743932 end time May-05-07 12:20:52 PDT)

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I sing a song of shoes

I have discovered an alarming trend of my online life: I document when I wear out my shoes.

Here’s: The Sandals Which I Killt Wif My Walking from last August. And Old Shoe from 2004. I made a header out of that one.

And in that spirit, here’s the latest in the line of dead soldiers:


This shoe is done.

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Getting Lost at Mardis Gras

Tuesday was Mardis Gras, and my Mom reminded me of the time I got lost in the crowds there. I had not remembered how old I was. Here’s the exchange:

Joe, Remember when you got lost att Mardi Gras?  What a scare that was.  We almost lost you twice in crowds.

I replied:
I do remember! That was a fun day. I was 12, right? Or 11?

I can’t seem to remember now.


The word is this:
You were 11 Joe and when I finally found you, you were having so much fun catching doubloons and beads.  You had a big smile on your face when I finally found you.  You made the best of the situation.

As I recall, I pretty much terrified them with that stunt:  here’s some musings on New Orleans which includes someof those rememberances: Robot Fighter, 1982:
I remember Mardi Gras. I remember getting lost at Mardis Gras. We had come over from Gretna to watch Parades. Maybe Bacchus or one of the other Crewes. We came over the bridge, and we were not really nearby home. I got lost. Apparently my parents were frantic, and trying to get the National Guardsmen to find me. Or were they Marines? Anyway, they were huge men in uniform.

Me? I watched the parade. I didn’t worry too much about finding my parents. I wonder if I felt I didn’t need to? Probably I knew that things would be fine, even if the streets were packed with thousands of people. Eventually the parade would end and I’d find my parents.

It’s funny, I think I’m at a stage in the blog where I’m in danger of repeating remembrances. The brilliant thing about the tools available is I can instantly look for whatever I want to on my site by doing a query like “mardis gras site:artlung.com

That’s really all I wanted to say about that.

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The Sandals Which I Killt Wif My Walking


Remember back on July 30th where I said “yesterday I walked 4.3 miles, this according to Google Maps Pedometer. My feet HATE me today. And my sandals are now broken, both of them.”

These are they. And now they must be retired.

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Overdrawn at the Memory Bank

In 2002 I wrote, in House-Sitting and Other Things (Long):

I’m trying to get my head screwed on straight. Quite a challenge these days, as I really feel like I don’t know what I’m doing.

It’s been a heckuva year so far. I hope so much that things settle down soon, but I think the stormy seas, for me, for my friends, for the country, for the world, will not abate anytime soon.


Still true. The nonsense in Isreal, when I can take a breath and not focus on dealing with the challenges and stressors in my own life, is galling. I hate the devastation. I hate the hipocrisy on all sides. I hate the contributions made to the Isrealis and to the Palestinians by us, by Syria, Iran, et. al.

What a stupid, stupid mess.

Do the hard work and deal with the reality of your conflicts! The world is totally worth living in.

On another note, one of the songs at Mass today was number 666. I chuckled a little, but in truth, it’s just a number. Just like 13. Or any other number. Numbers are numbers. Numbers can sometimes hurt (like being overdrawn)—but they’re not a measure of worth.

It seems like a lovely day. I have some work to do, but it sure seems lovely.

And to part, here are two recent photos of Leah and I you can enjoy:

Leah @ CityWalk Joe @ Santa Barbara

Leah looks great, no? I look sort of pensive there, though I think that’s just me processing some French music when we went to a big free French festival yesterday in Santa Barbara. It was pretty cool. Very mellow vibe.

Here’s to more mellow-vibe-ing today.

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Matt Groening Interview

I really enjoyed this Matt Groening interview. More or less for Sassy.

I’ve been enjoying Matt G’s work since I was about 15 years old, with the original Life In Hell comic strips which were syndicated to the San Diego Reader. I saw him speak at the old San Diego Civic Theater which is in the heart of downtown. This was at Comic Con, maybe 1988 or 1989. It was really inspirational to see this person who had become a hero to me start to get some acclaim and his point of view would be getting onto television! The buzz for the Simpsons, even before it came out, was pretty huge among the indie comics fans of the day. I still laugh at his stuff, including watching Futurama with my stepkids and Leah.

Great stuff. I also think that his appreciation for Frank Zappa has influenced his point of view. I think that both men have influenced me too.

Aside: There’s a Frank Zappa wiki! Holy cow!

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Anniversary of The April Fool

On the April Fool’s after my eighteenth birthday, I got caught being a fool.

So that was 1988. That’s 18 years again since the event. So I’m twice as old now as I was then. Maybe twice as wise. Maybe even 18 times as wise.
Part of living an authentic life is being able to look at ones faults, and where one has wronged others. And I think yesterday and today one of the things on my mind is this particular 18-year old event. I won’t belabor it, or detail it too closely. Maybe next year. Since the event occurred, I have never directly apologized to the person who was on the receiving end of my disordered thinking. I’m not sure I’ll ever get a chance to.

There was a chance meeting many years ago, but we were in a group of friends, and that would not have been the time. It was an excruciating, scary moment.

I don’t want to go into details, but I somehow feel I need to get into some of the details of it or else you’re all going to think—well, I don’t know—but I’m unafraid cautious about detailing it all. For years I would talk to nobody about it, and I carried it around as a cross, a sackcloth, burning into my skin.

It still pricks at my conscience, but mostly as to the inability to make amends more than anything else. In 12-Step programs they talk about making amends except where to do so would calse even more pain. Not knowing this person anymore, I don’t know if it’s possible.

The short version of the story is that I became obsessed with the idea of a relationship with a certain other person. This idea was wonderful and terrifying. I, as a young man of 16 / 17, was unable to express my own heart in a way that was unafraid. So I did not. Instead, I began anonymously leaving notes for this person. Cryptic notes, what I thought might be romantic notes. Yes, unsigned. I left them on her car, I left them anywhere she went. I left them stealthily.

I thought I was the cleverest thing since Cyrano de Bergerac. I had no idea how it would be resolved, but I thought “this is what people do, they are romantic and they are interesting.”
I was not, and I ended up terrifying this girl, and her family. And it all culminated in the back of a squad car with me in handcuffs. I was not arrested, just scared to death by the police officers who claimed that I’d get “a new boyfriend” if I did this ever again. Sobbing in a squad car.

This was not the romantic ending I forsaw. It was a pathetic outcome, and was my first taste of how wrong I could be about something.

It was April Fool’s Day. And I was indeed an April Fool. This was no joke.

The political bloggers talk about “the reality-based community.” Well, my teenage self was certainly not a member of that. I was in a world of fantasy then. I think it’s taken until this year for me to really come to grips with what it means to live not in fantasy, but in reality. This year I became a grown-up, and it’s been a difficult slog. But it’s been worthwhile because I have had a taste of Grace with a capital “G.”

Somehow, life is a blessing, and not sackcloth.

I am a blessed man. Check out that picture.

Ladies and gentlemen, I’m here to tell you that the truth shall set you free.

Thanks for listening.

Joe. 02 /April/2006.

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The Wisdom Tooth Saga

A long while ago, I had some dental issues that could only be resolved by having my wisdom teeth removed. I had a draft of it forever, here it is, for better or incoherent.

I realized something was wrong in my mouth on a Tuesday. I was having persistent pain. It was not particularly sharp, but it was present in a way I’m not used to.

I have never taken particularly good care of my teeth. I brush, more or less. But I didn’t floss except before a date or if maybe I had eaten some celery and had obvious crud between my teeth. I didn’t take to flossing. Is it a character flaw to not floss? Maybe not, but not considering the long-term of an action was certainly a flaw of mine for a long time. I have to work to consider the future carefully.

The pain was in the lower part of my mouth, right hand side, rear. I thought it was simply some stray food particles lodged under my gums. I brushed, using the Braun electric that had served me well for several months. But this didn’t really help much. I used Peroxyl, a hydrogen peroxide based mouthwash, and vigorously gargled. I also used my generic brand green mouthwash.

I even went to the extent to purchase a dental irrigator. The WaterPik was I think the first device of this kind. It simulates the action of a toothpick, but with a jet of water. My grandparents had one when I was a kid, and I always liked them – such a neat action.

The irrigator didn’t help either.

The next thing I realized was when I developed a funny taste in my mouth. Like metal. Aluminum maybe. Again I tried to attribute this to “food particles” – perhaps an errant bite of mexican food or Tiger’s Milk Bar that went astray and got stuck.

No such luck. The taste remained even after purging my mouth of every bit of anything that could possibly be in there.

I brushed, and gargled with water, the alcohol-based mouthwash, the Peroxyl, more brushing, some irrigating, and yes, the taste went away.

Then it came back.

To my horror, I realized something very wrong was happening in my mouth. It is simply not normal to have a taste get cleansed from your mouth, then, 15 minutes later, for it to come back. I had something malicious happening in my mouth. Something oozing. Something was making an “exudate” – a word I remembered from my days practicing Respiratory. I had to see a dentist. Fast.

I know enough about disease processes to know that something that is making pus at that kind of rate is not my friend. My mouth was rotting, and needed addressing. The thing I’ve always been cognizant of about teeth problems is that they have a way, untreated, of affecting the rest of the body greatly. I think of the endocarditis and mitral valve problems that people can get. The mouth has lots of exposure to the outside world – and if your gums are bleeding, it’s a potential conduit to the bloodstream for all kinds of microbiological nasties.

I was scared. Very.

I looked up dental abscess online and indeed, it sounded like what I had. An abscess is “A localized collection of pus in part of the body, formed by tissue disintegration and surrounded by an inflamed area.” And this is definitely what I had. In my mouth.

So I did what I always do when there’s a crisis, I reached out online, asking, via email and mailing lists, for local (San Diego) dentists.

In a few hours I’d collected some good data, and I found one from my friend Steve E, and called immediately for an appointment. I was immediately put at ease by his scheduler, who asked how I was feeling, and to describe my symptoms. Her alert level went up a notch as I described what I relayed above. She said it did sound like an abscess.

She scheduled me for an appointment in a week, and I said that was fine. She also said she would try to get me an appointment soon, because she knew that what I had happening was serious business. I am every so thankful to her for that.

When I got home from work that night there was a message on my machine asking if I could come in for an appointment the next day, Friday. I called back immediately, and said a hearty YES!

I was in. The problem was being addressed. I sort of imagined pilots in their ready rooms running out to the bombers and fighters staging a counteroffensive. Troops were rallied. Action was happening. Go Joe!

Yes it would cost money. But it was going to get taken care of. I still had the taste, and the pain, but I felt that good feeling of “progress. ”

One thing: When the Dentist looks at your wisdom tooth, and says “Oh Wow,” how can you not be scared? I was scared but was okay with it, come what may.

My Dentist told me that the kind of decay I had was rare. It happens in two groups typically. Children, and the elderly. I am 33 years old. He said that the aged get it because their oral chemistry gets weaker. Kids get it because they tend to eat continuously throughout the day.

This second scenario, “eating like a kid” ,is precisely how I have lost weight in the past year. I eat what I want when I want.

The irony of the thing is that apparently the diet that lost me 90 pounds in 9 months is the same diet that accelerated my tooth decay. Had I brushed in line with my eating, I probably would have been fine.

Then came the day of Surgery.

I checked in at 7:40am and at 7:45 they took me in. There are photos of this intake procedure in my photos area.

I urinate. Then I go into an “on-deck” room where they lay me down on a stretcher. They put a blood pressure cuff on me. It’s predictably too small for my arm so the Nurse (is she a Nurse? I have no idea) gets a larger one.

Lynn, the nurse is looking for an IV puts nasal mask (nondisposable) on me “laughing gas” she calls it. Nitrous and Oxygen probably. Very calming. They put two ECG (did you know we refer to EKGs as EKG because “EEG” and “ECG” sound too much alike?—at least that’s what I was taught) electrodes on my chest. They put another electrode on my left arm. She sticks me antecubitally for a vein. (bigger always better) but she misses. I feel the stick, and it hurts. But it feels like it’s hurting on the other side of the room—I am lucid, but the sensation is of a disconnect between what happens in the room and my self. She tries the top of my right hand. She hits, but can’t get the sheath in. I’m lucid enough to say “Third time’s a charm” when she jokes apologetically about turning me into a pin cushion. I say it’s fine.

Something in me prevents me from mentioning how many times I’ve stuck people for blood – ABG’s – Respiratory Therapists draw bllod from arteries.

Third time is a charm and she hits me on the radial side of my wrist.

I feel a splash of cold on my hand. She tells me it’s just saline. It could be blood for all I care, as long as she doesn’t allow it to drain out of me. That would be… bad.

I overhear two people (Nurses?) (Surgical Techs?) talking about radial notches and the ulna and I say “somebody’s taking A&P.” I mean, if you’re working in a Dentist’s office and you’re talking about the ulna, you must be taking an Anatomy and Physiology class. At least semi-drugged, I came to that conclusion.

So I see the Doc—the Oral Surgeon. He says “Hello, how we doing?” I say okay.

The nurse at this point says “we’re giving you the drugs to make you go to sleep now.” I tell her okay. I have a clamp in my mouth.

I don’t remember falling under the influence of the Versed, but I must have. It might be nice to see the operative record. If only so I can see the chronology. Having been under the influence of powerful narcotics, I’m scarcely a trustworthy witness!

When I wake up, I am back in the holding area. Everything feels like a dream. An overhead lamp suddenly, in the hazy eyes I have, becomes a little silent puppet show. I am lying flat. Two white hospital blankets covering me to my neck. I’m watching and listening.

Watching and listening like always.

I close my eyes.

In and out.

I move a hand up and feel my face.

Upper lip – no feeling. maybe some pressure. But I really can’t feel it much.

Lower lip – nothing. it feels like a nylon stocking filled with a nerf football. I press it but cannot feel it.

Lower jaw – likewise. This is probably good.

Oh, the glory of local anesthesia.

There is cotton gauze in my mouth. Big hunks of it. Covering the stumps of where my four wisdom teeth were.

I make a sound. Not much. A slight gurgle cough. Then a glugging giggle at the silliness. Increduility at how I can’t really make a sound.

I often feel that incredulity. I’m always amazed at simply existing, and how bizarre things are.

Eventually they bring me out. To Leah.

Leah drives me back to her place.

I think I’m awake and alert, but I sleep most of the way.

Things written on clipboard when I could not talk. These were “said” to Leah.

“lip no feeling”

“would like to take pen. & vicodin. fear cannot swallow though”

“can feel the pain coming.”

“like the outskirts of town.”

“good got drugs down.”

“T.Y. (you said to stop writing thank you)”

The Leah-Takes-Care-Of-Me Post-Op Phase

I changed the gauze packs every hour – they were gunky, bloody, and awful. It was nice to see the progression of the gauze from totally wet with bright red blood, to merely damp with brown and black.

The instructions said to NOT rinse frequently or vigorously in the first 24 hours. I respected that. I was scared to death of “Dry Socket,” which had afflicted both my sister and father when they had had tooth extractions.

Vicodin: loved it, though it gave me constipation.

Tried to drink juice sometimes, though water was best.

Leah made me pudding. Lots of pudding. It’s a strong memory of having something I could actually eat. Leah was wonderful to me.

And mostly, I slept.

Here’s an email I sent to my sister:


The word: – chocolate pudding – just right – mashed up bananas – just right – little pieces of pear – a bit too much yet – 7up – the old favorite, GREAT!
I’ve stopped bleeding from the stumps/holes/caves
Vicodin rocks
slept a lot yesterday
my mouth was VERY numb (like, useless) all day yesterday
but now I can talk
and move my mouth, and it all works well
though now my jaw is muscle achey

And that’s the end of the wisdom tooth saga. I laughed, I cried.

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