November, 2010: 6 posts.
Grief is lightning swift. Appearing at intervals that seem random. Overpowering. Agonizing. Then gone as swiftly as it comes.
Two Mom related items for today:
For those of you who are friends and family of Phyllis, we have made a DVD of the Memorial Mass for her held at Our Lady of Nazareth Church on November 6, 2010. Just send me your address and we’ll get it out to you.
Ave Maria was a favorite song of my Mom’s. It was played at her Wedding on June 15, 1968 at St. Rita’s Catholic Church in San Diego, California. And it was also played at her beautiful Memorial Mass on November 6, 2010 at Our Lady of Nazareth Catholic Church in Roanoke, Virginia.
Below are both versions:
Ave Maria – Lee Eddy (brother-in-law)
Ave Maria – Louella Algarva (mother-in-law to Phyllis’ sister Bea)
In some ways, I feel as though I’m reborn. Not precisely in the sense that some Christian sects refer to being “born again”–but not entirely dissimilar.
I find myself really missing the fact that my Mom is reading this blog and can send me an email in reply. I miss the fact that occasionally she would print out posts for her own memory and to show my father.
And yes, that habit, of Capitalizing “Mom” is a habit I think I got from her. I think. She would refer to her Dad, when talking about him. She revered her father, and missed him terribly. He died in 1988. And his death and his memory profoundly affected her. She of course lived a vibrant life. She wanted to live life to its’ fullest, and I wonder if some of that was a being so affected by loss. I don’t know and can’t find out now.
But I find myself wanting to improve. To do more with the precious time I have. What can I do? I know that going on as I have, as a flaky and unreliable person to many people–this can’t go on. I’ve been reliable to many, and certainly I’ve been loyal to my family, but I let so much slide in the past few years. I am taking stock and trying to figure out what to do with myself.
It’s a kind of painful rebirth. Birth is.
And so, everything is new. Again.
Leah and I went back to California for Thanksgiving. Highlights included Thanksgiving with a turkey roasted in a Hotel room, quality time with the kids, who are now ages 16 to 21 and we are so proud of them; a playoff game for the boys that they unfortunately lost; seeing Tangled, which was good, going to a pub that was pretty good called Ladyface with Devon; visiting with my friend Chris and his great kids Diana and Zac (my godson); including having his tire go flat on the way to Kinokuniya in Costa Mesa; free wifi on Virgin America airlines both ways; reconnecting with my friend Vince and his beautiful family and house on the way from DC to Roanoke.
Lots of love, lots of learning. I’m thankful for safe travels and so much generosity of spirit from everyone we saw and have heard from. Still sending off DVDs to all who ask for them.
Just stepping through life and trying to thrive as Mom would want us to. Glad to be here with my Dad.
First major holiday without Mom. Difficult. Alien. But time passes.