tony p style
2 weeks ago i made enchiladas for leah and the kids which was fun
got an amazing gift the other week from my folks for which i thank them
my little sister turned 27 last week yowza
leah may be moving north far
i am considering my options and was angsty about it
clarity comes with knowing and having faith
leah and have been double barrelling the religion on sundays
mass and sacrament meeting
today it was about change and sticking to the plow even when things are hard
today it was about listening to the spirit
today i had bagels and lox at dz akins and leah had pancakes
we got a black and white cookie for later
we have fun together
we talk together
we drive around in a truck together
i don’t always have a white shirt for sacrament meeting
i am bouyed up by the feeling of being part of a faith
its a surprise to me
i know people in los angeles
i know people all around
the movie running on empty can make me cry
quite a bit
black and white cookies and tomato sandwiches are good
when leah and i are angsty the cat is angsty
when leah and i are serene the cat is mellow
the cat is sort of a temperature gauge
we saw napoleon dynamite tonight
no not the cat
but leah and i and two good friends too
it had a kanab cowboys tshirt in it
the movie was funny in a dopey way
i moved around as a kid
i am an interesting person
last week leah and i almost saw bourne supremacy sneak preview
not all the effects were done
but leah couldnt hang with the rudeness and tension of a sneak preview screening
but it worked out cause good friends were there too and matt came with me, and leah hung with margot
things work out that way for leah and me and our friends
the midway aircraft carrier is in town and is a big museum
my grandfather served on carriers and has no desire whatsoever to go on a carrier
there may be no nostalgia in him
meanwhile i was thinking how cool it would be to see the school i attended in gretna louisiana
when i was running on empty
leah and i had the kids for a week
that was wild and cool
i went on the giant dipper coaster with the kids
well 3 out of 4
my legs are still big
but i fit and i loved it
that belmont park is looking a little sad
but its still fun to ride the coaster
the coaster of life as they have it in that steve martin movie parenthood
the ride is fun and unexpected and its important to try and enjoy it
and be sad when its sad
and be happy when its happy
because thats the way of things
sometimes we resist change so much
we cant even see that change is inevitable
and when you have skills to move anywhere
family is a state of mind
i am bouyed up by my family
i am bouyed up by my partner
its scary as all get out this life thing
its unpredictable and wonderful and full of laughter and tears
and i am living authentically
and cease expecting and all things are possible
i am happy and i try to enjoy every sandwich
onward
hmm is there more?
uh oh, that was punctuation
there it was again. avast!
i thought bourne supremacy was good
i am glad of my decision to go back to school
i am selling books on amazon
i am less attached to material things than i used to be
i feel as though my self is being refined
i am seeing myself tested and tempered into an improving version of myself
sometimes in the changing new rough edges are revealed
but the process of tempering continues
i enjoy this process
this process pains me
this process is necessary
no pain no gain
did i just type that?
when i was in school 12 years ago i argued that learning was possible without pain
i was convinced
but now i know that all learning that is valuable comes with some pain
pain of embarrassment or physical pain or longing or lonliness or loss
but learning comes
and the lifes in the learning i think
definitely
i love to learn
i learn to love
okay
ready?
onward
